This is the third posting relating to the steps to transform conflict. We have moved away from blame and taken responsibility for expressing what we need and want.

5. Try to see the conflict as an ‘it’ This thing has come between you and the other person. Depersonalise what has  happened. Understand how this thing has grown and caused problems for both of you. Don’t get stuck on getting your demands met. There may be other ways to solve the situation

6. If you are going to try to have a conversation about ‘it’, make sure you have some ground rules to help you stay on track. It can be very helpful to have a third person who is not aligned with either of you to help you establish these ground rules. Certainly keeping all comments respectful, letting each person finish before having your say can be good starters. Engaging a mediator may help you to be productive.