Following from the first 2 pointers,here are another 2 steps to this process. These require us to put aside our automatic reactions to situations of conflict

3. State clearly how you feel and what you feel you need. Our most common response to conflict is blame – letting the  other person know what they are doing wrong. This approach says we need to tell them what is going on for us – and the challenge is that this is not an opportunity to express our anger or frustration. Giving way to anger will make the other side look good and encourage the conflict to continue.
This is saying how things are affecting me and this is what I need to happen. Obviously, we need to figure out exactly what is happening for us and what we would like to have changed.

4. Look below the surface. This may be part of our exploration of what is going on for us. Its about why we want what we want and often gets to the crux of what the conflict is about. We may feel unacknowledged or that the treatment we are getting is biased or unfair. We may feel that the other person is making decisions that we should be consulted about. We may feel insulted or put down. Most of us want to do a good job and want to be acknowledged for the efforts we make.