According to Kenneth Cloke and Joan Goldsmith, the only test for effectiveness of communication is what the other person understands. Now that puts the responsibility on each of us–we need to observe how others are receiving the messages we give out and be prepared to improve our skills by seeking feedback and changing our behaviour.

Listening is the basis of communication, not talking. To become a good listener, be prepared to let the other person have the floor. Don’t just look receptive, be receptive. This might mean sitting down so that you are not higher than them, being silent and giving eye contact, always allowing them to finish before speaking. Once you’ve listened, repeat back what you think they are saying and include the feeling component of the message. Keep your body language open and attentive.

Remember that our attitudes create our reality. If you’re hostile to someone, they’re likely to reciprocate. If you refuse to behave like an enemy, it’s hard for another to continue to oppose.

If we wish to continue learning, be aware that the greatest enemy of learning is not what we don’t know but what we think we already know.

© Kathy Tetu, Conflict Management Mediation Services